Simply Love

on a lighter note...

i don't really know how it's possible that all three of our kids will be going to preschool this year. our weeks will be busy. last night we had open house at sunny days preschool. although the twins turned 5 in july, we decided to keep them out of kindergarten for one more year. kaden and kenley attend preschool m/w/f mornings and paxton will be t/th mornings. school starts after labor day and they are all so excited. i'm excited that they'll have so many of the same experiences to share with each other.

 

 

on a heavier note...

our kids rely on us to bring routine and consistency into their lives. and although the hand we've been dealt is a crappy one, it has been so important to both cody and i to try to keep their lives as "normal" as possible. as adults, we know things are different in our life right now. but i'm afraid i'm not considering their feelings and emotions like i should be. this hit me hard the other day. when i think of how sick cody's body is on the inside, he doesn't look that sick on the outside. i sometimes forget. but while in the car one evening kaden asked me "mom. when is dad gonna feel better?" i almost lost my breath. i never even thought that they still consider him as not feeling well. when i look at him and in my mind i feel like he's doing so well. and although to us, these may seem like simple things, but those three kids know that their daddy doesn't get down on the floor and wrestle with them anymore. they know daddy can't pick them up and throw them in the air like he used to. they notice daddy doesn't drive anymore. i didn't know what to tell him. i tried to be gentle, but honest. daddy is doing as well as he can be right now. we don't know when daddy will feel better. we don't know if he ever will feel better. i hate that we don't know what the future will look like. and i hate that i don't know what to tell my kids.

 

i can sense their anxiety the more we are away from them and the more they are dropped off with someone, even if just at grandparent's houses. kaden is constantly calling out my name, just to make sure he knows where i'm at every.second.of.every.single.day. and waking up in the middle of the night is sure to cause anxiety because our 2am's have turned into this: