maybe a little bittersweet

i'm not going to lie. yesterday was hard, knowing it was cody's last day of radiation. of course we feel blessed that he was able to receive 18 treatments and that he handled them so well. but we now know he is done. done for good. he will never be able to have another dose of radiation.  that's hard to swallow. cody's radiation oncologist told us that he pushed it as far as he possibly could. unfortunately, any negative side effects that could be caused by the radiation aren't seen now, but possibly months down the road. if his current state (the fact that he's doing so great) were a predictor of the future, the dr. would continue to push. but because we don't know what might happen or when we'll see side effects, he just can't safely continue. and we totally understand that.  that was a huge concern for us in the beginning. so now we will wait and see.

when radiation ended, so did his first round of chemo. last friday we met with his oncologist. his blood work looked good, indicating he also tolerated this round of chemo well--which was to be expected because of the low dose he was on. the plan now is to give him a month off for his body to rest. we go back on october 19.  at that time, they will start a new schedule of chemo...5 days on, 28 days off. he will continue this for as many cycles as necessary. the dose of chemo will also increase significantly.

he isn't scheduled for an mri until november.  at this point, if they were to image his brain, the dr. said "it would not look good." the radiation has made it angry and would not show a good picture of what's going on in there. that is why they want to wait to give the brain some time to rest.

cody and i have both noticed deficits and he says "i know my brain isn't quite right". although small, it's enough to catch our attention. not being able to recall his telephone number. retelling a story he shared a only hours earlier, and not remembering even when called to his attention. not being able to activate a new debit card because he can't get the right numbers punched in on his phone. those kinds of things. he might be able to hide from others, but its glaring us in the face. we don't know if this is radiation induced or the cancer itself.