some fall fun

Through all of our illness and junk we always seem to have at our house, we have managed to take in the weather and the beauty this fall has offered us. 

 

*photo dump*

 

 

I hope you all are enjoying this fall as much as we are!!



My truth

My truth about anxiety and depression....

I think I've always had an issue with this--ok, I KNOW it's been an issue. From making my sister order for me from a fast food counter to throwing up every day before school in 9th/10th grade. You could say I'm a nervous person. But anxiety and depression have never controlled my life like they are in the present.

I'm the person who doesn't feel right if I don't have anything to worry about. I've had this good anxiety habit going on for years. I try to keep a low profile, avoid things that make me feel worse, and will cry for weeks (along with physical illness) in advance of any kind of public presentation. That's normal right?

I've said this before, but my hormone levels must have gone completely wonky after Paxton was born. I've tried a few different medications. Ive found one I'm happy with, we're just still working on correct dosage. I've also, along with Cody, started some counseling.

Any kind of anxiety treatment usually starts out with the speech about the fight or flight response. Our brains are primed for a predator’s attack, so when we perceive something as a threat, we get the same kind of feelings as if a lion’s about to eat us, even if we’re just making a mildly unpleasant phone call. I guess it's important to know what's happening when I’m flooded with panic, but it doesn’t really help ;)  And, although I know most people are trying, their advice for handling it doesn't help either. 

When I worry, my thoughts race in a vicious circle--I feel anxious about something, I try to reason myself out of it (sometimes with the help of others), think I feel some relief, only to have the
anxiousness start all over again. Do my worries have some basis in reality? Sure. But I've read that's not the real problem. "The real problem is a physiological and psychological addiction to worrying that’s supported by wonky brain chemistry, memories of past negative experiences, and the deeply-held  belief that life isn’t safe. "

We're working on it. Getting to the root of anxiety and working on balancing out those crazy chemical imbalances. We're working on how to identify my triggers so my mind doesn't end up in a tailspin by throwing fuel into the fire. 

For those of you who don't deal with anxiety, you might think that this is an easy task. Either way I look at it right now, being anxious or trying to work through my anxiety, it's exhausting.  It's hard to let go and not fill my mind with (what I feel) are urgent thoughts. It doesn't feel right,  as if I don't prepare by worrying, something will end in disaster.

But you know what? I've thought (and thought and thought) that way for years and it hasn't worked out that well-- so I guess it’s probably time to try something new.

I do want to say that I'm over the fact of "not being able to do this on my own".   Who cares if I need a little help, at least I'm getting some help. And I absolutely COULD NOT do this without the love and support of my husband. Huge props to him!

as mothers, we try our best

I think this pretty much sums it up.  I get that uncontrollable wheezing laughter, every.time.i.see.this!



Happy Friday!!

our trip to the east

The first weekend in October, {Cody, myself, Cody's brother and his wife},  made a trip out to Washington DC to visit Cody's sister and her family who have taken up residency in Arlington, VA. We flew out Friday morning and spent the next few days loving life!  Gosh, I miss those guy so much!!

We spent some time hitting up the hot spots and touring:
Washington Monument
Lincoln Memorial
Jefferson Memorial
Roosevelt Memorial
MLK Memorial
Vietnam Memorial
Korean War Memorial
White House

We also visited:
Holocaust Museum
Mount Vernon

One evening we did some shopping and had amazing pizza in:
Old Town Alexandria

Walking the streets of DC is not for the faint of heart. Especially when you are with these guys, who were always on a mission. A fast mission. This was typically the distance they kept from those of us who walked at a bit of a slower pace ;)

But the most memorable times of our trip were the times when we were all together around the table--and the hysterical laughter, where memories were made :)

As amazing as it is to visit and see them, I just can't describe to you how difficult it is to say goodbye. Jamie asked me if I still think about them being out there or if it has just become the "norm"......and I can say for me, over a year later, I still think about it every.single.day.  I don't know what it is, but there is something that is so difficult for me to accept that they are thousands of miles away. And I'll be honest (because I already told her), I hate it!   Don't get me wrong...I know this has nothing to do with me and I am thrilled they are fulfilling dreams of their own, but it is still very difficult for me.

And if that isn't difficult enough, I can't tell you how much I missed my own kids while we were gone.  We did not bring them with this trip because we still can't seem to wrap our minds around the logistics of what goes into bringing 3 young, needy, children across the county with only 2 adults. Some day we will make the trip as a family, we just couldn't do it this time. It felt wonderful to have a break and although I knew the kids were being WELL cared for (thanks Grandma Deb), I missed them like crazy!

...until next time Larson's

the reason why

Gosh darn it.  Now I remember very clearly, another reason why it was so easy to give up the blog--  I'm so dang tired all the time! My day starts at 5:15 in the morning when my alarm goes off and I drag my body out of bed to start another day. Many days we are completely exhausted before we even leave the house at 7am, thanks to 3 littles who would also rather stay sleeping than get up and join the world. Also, if you know our daughter, it takes every ounce of our beings to make sure things run "smoothly" in her little world or the world turns upside down in a BIG hurry. After work and grabbing the kids from daycare, we are usually home between 4 and 4:15. Then the work of the evening sets in.  You know, the usual...play time, making dinner, eating, cleaning up, baths/showers, playing/tv/books, bed time. Our kids take after their parents and need a lot of sleep. So we are usually starting baths already by 6:00 and working towards a bedtime between 7 and 7:30. One would think that at 8:00 there is plenty of evening left in the day, but that's about the time I crash. And it doesn't matter how much ambition I have earlier in the day or how much I know that I need to get done, it just doesn't happen! 

By the way, I have a whole DC trip I want to share with you, so hopefully that will be coming soon :)