on the road again...

i can't even tell you how excited i am to stay home tonight and do nothing. this last week we've been on the road, a lot. here's what this last week looked like:

friday night: drove to brandon for bunco (by myself!)
saturday morning: drove to brewster to pick up a babe and then to owatonna for a baby shower
saturday night: drove back to brandon
sunday night: drove back to brewster
monday night: kids and i drove back to brandon because kenley had appointments on tuesday
tuesday morning: drove into sioux falls for appts
tuesday night: i drove back to brewster, leaving the kids in brandon because daycare was closed
wednesday night:  drove back out to brandon to pick the kids up
wednesday night: drove back to brewster

tomorrow we are driving back to sioux falls for a birthday party and driving back home tomorrow evening. because sunday i will be driving to fulda for a baby shower.

enough "driving" for ya?  yeah, me too.  and with our 12-miles-to-the-gallon-gas-guzzling-beast, it gets a little spendy too :(


happy friday all!!

just throwing it all out there...

Someone made the comment to me the other day saying that reading my blog made her feel like she was reading my diary.

And I'm ok with that.

I find this blog a place where I can open up and I've made the decision to open up to the world while doing it.

So here's where I'm at right now.  As you all know, we've had our fair shair of difficulties thrown at us in our young life.  I've always had a relationship with God and it has only strengthened over the years while climbing over various road blocks.  But this summer, something changed for me.  I'm not exactly sure what it was or why it changed, but it did. I immersed myself into the Lord and having a much more meaningful relationship with Him.

A quick story: This summer, while changing one of Kenley's diapers, she was kicking me. I continued to tell her to stop and she continued kicking me. There really wasn't anything that I was saying that was going to make her stop kicking. Finally I grabbed her legs, looked her right in the eyes and said "Jesus would not be happy knowing you were kicking your mom."  (and unless you were there to hear it, you really won't get the full effect) but she looked back at me, with a wrinkled up forehead and a large amount of sass, and said "WHO JESUS?!?"  I felt like I was failing my kids. I broke down in tears and at that moment I made a promise to myself that my children will know Christ. I think I felt that, at the age of 2, almost 3, that they were too young and wouldn't get it anyway. But, boy was I wrong!!

We continue to have struggles in our family. Some are struggles that I'm sure every family has and some are maybe not quite so common. And to be honest, I find being a faithful follower of Christ the most difficult when I'm at home with my family. I am often praying for guidance and most importantly PATIENCE!!!!  But one thing I do know, is that I'm finding a lot more peace knowing that God is ALWAYS at the center of it all. Even if there are days that I feel like I'm failing as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, employee, friend, etc....

I'm not exactly sure how this happened,


even though I've honestly tried my hardest to prevent it.


But somehow....




this guy is no longer my little baby. he has turned into such a big boy :(

Bummer

I wish I was a better blogger, I really do.  It just seems that these days I have nothing exciting to talk about. We live the day to day and nothing seems "blog worthy." 

Because really, does anyone want to hear about the fact that....

*we can't keep up on laundry. for some reason laundry is the most hated job at our house
*our house is too small for 5 people. we don't have enough storage and clutter has overtaken
*i go to bed early because i literally can't keep my eyes open
*our mornings are either wonderful or a nightmare. and it's all dependent on small thing...a 3 year old named kenley
*after being potty trained for a couple months now, kenley has regressed and is now doing a lot of pooping and peeing in her big-girl undies. that girl is a mystery to us
*the side effects to my medication have really declined and i'm feeling a lot better. it only took 6 weeks!
*i'm thrilled fall weather is starting to set in. i'm all about jeans and sweatshirts
*my 3 year old daughter is taking a vacation with grandma deb in a week to virginia to visit auntie jamie and uncle joey. i have such mixed emotions....i'm excited for her, i'm jealous i don't get to go, i'm sad because i know i'll miss her, i'm nervous about her going on an airplane, i'm thrilled that she gets to have this experience. (**** but i know auntie jamie is going to take lots of pictures to remember her first trip to virginia, right jamie? wink wink)
*i have a new office this year at work. our school continues to grow and the building is getting smaller and smaller. i'm not located with the rest of the early childhood team and i strongly dislike that
*we haven't been to brandon for the last two weekends and it's driving me crazy. we are going back this weekend, and i can't wait
*people might think we're crazy that we're grown adults with our own family and we still have to go back to our hometown every weekend (including my husband), but honestly i don't really care. i miss hanging out with my mom and sister
*since going back to daycare, all three kids have had non-stop coughs and snotty noses
*i was sick last week and missed two days of school. that was honestly the sickest i have ever been. fever, chills, muscle aches, a headache that could have killed a cow, and a throat that could have started a forest fire. it's amazing how fast a z-pak works
*i have great ambition for things i'm going to get done at home while i'm at work, and the second i get home the couch just reaches out and grabs me before i have a chance to get away
*i am addicted to coke (coca~cola that is)
*i desperately miss my sister-in-law (and brother-in-law) since they moved to virginia in july. even though when they were in st.paul we didn't see them very often, but i think it's the fact that we can't see them even if we wanted to. it's different and i don't like it very much.
*i'm going to go crazy when my new niece/nephew comes and i won't get all the snuggles i want

see, who really wants to know about all of that?

Happy Friday :)

struggling

I seem to be struggling with a lot of things lately.  I'm not quite sure how to describe it. Things don't make sense in my head, so I'm sure it won't make sense on the blog. Sorry for that.

After Paxton was born, my emotional well-being kind of fell apart. The crying and anxiety was out of control. My doctor and family all agreed. I started an anti-depressant and things changed, for the better, in a quick way. However, over time, I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy with how things were going. And in "things" I mean, my life, my feelings, my emotions, my anxiety. I was on this medication for almost a year but decided to wean myself off. When I initially started, my doctor felt it might be something I needed only short term. So, I decided to stop taking it and see where I was at. Wow! I was not in a good place. This summer was horrible for me (emotionally). I was crying over E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G!! I didn't even know what I was crying for, I was just always crying. And my anxiety, again, out of control. I (and my family) knew I needed to be put back on some sort of medication. Not necessarily what I took the first time around, but something. I know there are numerous options out there for anti-depressants, and I knew we could find something that worked for me, and we had to find it before I started back to school. Because let's face it, I'm still depressed and still have anxiety. I wasn't able to see my doctor as soon as I was hoping, so the nurse gave me another option and scheduled me an appointment with a psychologist at Sanford Women's. Great! She could get me in in 2 days. I was excited about the plan. So there I sat, on her oversized, plush, leather couch, blubbering my eyes out for an hour. I liked it though. Everything she said made sense to me. We discussed different medication options and she made the recommendation to my doctor. I am now on a new medication, however I can't say I'm overly pleased, yet, bummer!  It's something that I've been increasing the dosage, and I've only been on the full dose for about 2 weeks. I am experiencing some pretty unpleasant horrible side effects though. Now I understand that all medications have side effects, that's why I'm willing to continue with it. I'm just hoping they don't last a whole lot longer. But I still struggle with how I'm feeling. And I can't decide why.

But let me tell you people, struggling with mental health is exhausting! What I've come to realize though after the past several months is, that being depressed is not the result of personal weakness and it is not caused by something you did "wrong." It is treatable. And boy am I ready to get back to being "myself."

back to school

Well, the day came. As much as I begged it not to, it reared it's ugly head. I can't say that it came as a surprise but it certainly was not welcome. I started back to work on Monday. My alarm went off at 5:30am and the kids' lights were flipped on at 6:10. A huge reality check for all of us :(  Now don't get me wrong, I totally get that I am blessed to be able to spend my summers at home with my kids. And I'm blessed to have a job to go back to. But I'm pretty sure I could be a stay-at-home mom.

It feels good to be back into a routine. We had lost all sense of normalcy around here. It might change as our bodies adjust, but this week we have been putting the kids in the bathtub shortly after dinner. Paxton struggles from the time we get home until bedtime, the poor kid is just so tired. He has been in bed before 7:00 every night. In fact, last night he was in bed by 6:30 and he slept the entire night!  The twins have been in bed around 7:30/8:00. And let me tell you....it feels good!

Both kids went back to daycare completely potty-trained!  That was my goal this summer and Kenley finally nailed it the last week before going back, whew! The other goal I had this summer was go get Kaden out of our bed at night. See, I don't do well being home by myself without Cody. Ok, really, I'm a huge chicken. I'm afraid of the dark and terrified of any little sound that I normally wouldn't think twice about if the hubs was here with me. Well last year, when Cody was out of town for the week, I let Kaden stay up with me after the other two went to bed (he's a night owl anyway). And when it was time for bed, I thought it would be easier for ME if he just slept with me :) After that, that's where he thought he belonged. Every night. At first it started with him waking up in the night and making his way into our bed and then it just became easier for us (again, I emphasize US) to start out the night by putting him in our bed, and that's where he slept the whole night. But I am happy to say, Kaden now sleeps in his own bed. He doesn't always sleep through the night, but when he wakes up and comes to our room he now gets walked back and put into his own bed (and sometimes this is very frequent) ugh! All the kids though have done awesome this week sleeping through the night. Waking up early and playing hard at daycare wears the tikes out.

As hard as it is to make the adjustment, it doesn't take long. And when back at work, it feels as though we've never left.

Here's to another year!!!

July...

Whew, what a busy month! Even though it's been busy, we've enjoyed it and we're sad to see it go.

*Paxton officially became a "walker."  He had been doing a lot of practicing, but his main mode of transportation was still crawling. At 13 months, he figured out he can get around a lot quicker on his feet!


*We always spend the week of July 4th at Lake Herman, camping with friends. What a great time!

*July 8th we celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. Actually, we didn't really "celebrate", it was like any other day at our crazy house :)

*We spent lazy days by the pool:

 *Brewster Fun Days.  What can I say? ....it was fun :)

{here the kids are waiting for the parade to start}

*July 21st we celebrated Kaden and Kenley's birthday with a party at our house. We were so thankful for those who were able to make their day a special one.

 {Kenley got some new make-up, thanks to auntie Kris :) She pressed that tube of lipstick to her lips and round and round she went. This, I think, was her favorite}

{The day was perfect!!}

*July 22nd...Kaden and Kenley turned **3**!!

{because their birthday was on a Monday night (and we had already celebrated with their party the day before), it was only Kaden, Kenley, Paxton, myself, and Kris and Khloe. We were in Brandon (more on that later). But we decided to order pizza and have more cupcakes :)



 

 

 

*3-year well child checks:

I still can't believe my babies are three years old. I know I will forever be saying that, but my eyes well up with tears every time I think about it. Here are their stats at age 3:

 

Kaden:  weight: 33lbs. (65th percentile)

                      height: 37.5 inches (45th percentile)

 

Kenley:  weight: 39lbs. (97th percentile)

                       height: 37.5 inches (56th percentile)

I had some pretty hefty concerns, so our visit seemed as if it took forever. The dr. goes over each child individually. He starts and ends with one and then moves on to the other. So we are literally sitting through two individual appointments, so it really does get long. And it always seems so hot!

Things are at a stand still right now with some of my concerns, so I will save that for another post :)

*The last two weeks of July, my parents went on vacation. They left for Florida the day of the twins' birthday party. Some months ago, (I still can't figure out why), but my sister and I agreed to work for her and watch the daycare kids. So the kids and I packed up and spent the next two weeks in Brandon. Actually, the days weren't too bad, it was the single parenting in the evenings that I didn't care for. Cody and I have such a team routine, that when I'm by myself things tend to get a little out of control. It felt good to finally be back home and have our daddy back :)

*Larsonfest:  a good time always spent the last weekend in July with friends, close to home on some farm land. Words (even pictures) don't do this "camping trip" justice.

{this picture shows Kenley on the ground throwing a tantrum....and Marcus joined her}

 

 

*July 30th....we celebrated Cody's 32nd birthday. Grandma Deb was so gracious to take the kids that day and even kept them over night. I was still in Brandon, so Cody came out after work and we were able to go out for dinner and run a few errands - kid free. And it was awesome!

 

*July 30th...also the day that we said goodbye to Cody's sister and her husband. They apparently decided they needed to move across the country, to Virginia. We knew the day was coming, but to have to actually say goodbye was rough. They are fulfilling dreams of their own. And although we wish them nothing but the best, it doesn't make it any easier to have them so far away :(  Ok, I'm not going to lie, it literally makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. Plus, she's going to be having my new niece/nephew in a few short months, and that's really going to kill me!





So there ya have it, our July wrapped up in one long post. Of course I wasn't looking forward to August, because that only means a few short days until we have to enter the real world again....back to school, aggghhhh :(

haircut

Ok, so technically Paxton had already gotten his "first" haircut. But as I mentioned previously, they trimmed a teeeeny bit around his ears and neck line. Honestly, you couldn't really even tell he had anything cut.

So we decided last week that he needed to really get it cut. Actually, let me clarify. Everyone ELSE decided that it needed to be cut. They kept telling me he looked like an old man, or a homeless child. I, on the other hand, thought he looked like my baby. And that's kind of how I wanted him to stay. I mean, don't get me wrong, it did need to be cut, but I don't think I was ready to make that transition from baby to big boy.

I actually did start crying as we were trying to decide how short to cut it :(

Here is little man "before"..........

he did an AWESOME job!

 

and here he is "after"......



Such a big boy. I can't believe how different he looks. He looks so good cleaned up, but he's definitely not my little baby anymore :(

Paxton's 1st Birthday

Paxton turned "1" on May 14th

We celebrated on May 25th

and I am finally posting about it July 1st :(

 

It was a fun day and also a sad day for me.

I hate that Paxton is growing up so quickly.

People keep telling me it's because we're busier now with 3 kids,

but I can't believe how fast his first year went as compared to the twins.

{my sister made the cake. i think she does an amazing job! we did have cupcakes, so this was a dummy-cake...frosting covered styrofoam :)}

 

{so thakful for those that helped make his day special}

 

{of course there were going to be helpers}

 

{a quick bath before presents}

 

{of course, he was a very spoiled little boy}

 

 

 

**I can't write this post without giving HUGE props to my mom and sister. I wouldn't have pulled it off if it wasn't for those two :)