he's awesome

We could not have been more proud of our little man than we were on Tuesday. Paxton owned that surgery!  We had to check in at the Sanford Surgical Tower at 7:15am. And then we waited. Paxton couldn't have anything to eat or drink so we expected the morning to be rough, especially for our boy who loves his breakfast. But it wasn't.  Not one time did he say anything about eating or drinking.

The nursing staff had him wrapped around their fingers. He's such a little man. When it came time for him to go, he hopped in the wagon and waved us off.  Didn't even want his mama one teeeeny tiny bit.

From the time he left us until he was back in my arms was right around 1 hour. Some whimpering when he saw me. You could tell he was very uncomfortable, but for the most part slept the anesthesia off.

The nurses let him sleep in my arms for about an hour and then we had to try to get him to wake up and make sure he would take fluids. He would have much rather slept. 5 hours from when we checked in we were checking back out and on our way back to Brandon.

He then slept the afternoon away.

He's doing great. He had a lot of blood draining out of his nose the first couple of days, but that has since decreased drastically. He's done a lot of sleeping and isn't back to his "normal" self, but he's getting there. He is such a tough little guy and we love him soo much!

needing this boy healthy

Paxton is our child who is constantly sick. I'm not kidding you...we hold out for an antibiotic as long as we can, but that's what it takes. And not just a mild amoxicillin, he needs something strong. We get a 10 day dose and maybe by day 8 or 9 we start to see a difference and we have a healthy boy for about a week after that. Then the nose starts to run again and within a few days it's thick and green and he's got himself a terrible cough. This is his life...poor little guy. I honestly don't think he knows what it's like to "feel good" and that makes me sad.

At the end of October, he had a CT scan done of his sinuses.

[he was a rock star by the way]

His scan showed that Paxton has significant swelling and inflammation of the sinuses as well as very large turbinates. Not only does he have chronic sinusitis, but his nasal passages are very small.

The Plan:
We've tried all the medical intervention we can -- nasal steroids, saline rinses, and allergy medication.  Our next step is a surgical intervention. So here is what's planned....
1. PE tubes -- he had tubes placed in his ears at about 10 months of age. He still has the tubes but they are starting to fall out. These will be reinserted.
2. Adenoidectomy
3. Nasal Lavage -- (just a fancy term for cleaning out the sinuses ;)
4. Turbinate Reduction

We are really hoping this clears up a lot of his sinus problems and upper respiratory infections. We do believe he has allergies as well. This surgery will not take away the allergies, but will definitely alleviate his symptoms related to allergies. Then, we should be able to treat the allergies effectively with over the counter allergy medications.

And...when is all this happening?  Tomorrow (11/11).  Please pray it all goes smoothly and we can get our boy feeling better.

sleep study

So this is what we're lucky enough to be doing tonight. We've been down many paths with Kenley and here's where we're at now. The purpose of this sleep study is to see whether her sleeping patterns are contributing to some of her behaviors/aggression during the day. Just like her behaviors, her sleep is just as inconsistent. We have good nights and we have bad nights. And when they're bad, it's rough! Kenley wakes up screaming! And thrashing herself around in her bed. She kicks her feet to the point that if she were next to a wall, we'd worry she would put a hole in it. And on these nights, if she wakes up once, we're in for the long haul because we know it's going to happen multiple times throughout that night.

So to be honest, I don't really know what I'm hoping for...a restful night or one that might give us some answers.

She was a rock star though. A little scared only a couple of times but no tears and no refusals!! (It must have been all the prepping we've done :)  After reading a book, she fell right to sleep.

{dinner with nene before heading to the hospital}

 



{even Belle got set up for her very own sleep study}

{I don't know how anyone would be able to sleep like this}

 

 

But she did. She slept better than mama. It was a bit of a rough night but not terrible. This morning though, she was a tangled mess. It took the nurse a long time to get her undone!  We put her in the shower to get all the goop out of her hair, were provided breakfast, and we were out of there by 7:00am.

 

We have no results yet. All I know is that I'm one tired mama!!

last week

Last week was busy with the excitement of Halloween. The kids didn't quite understand why they couldn't wear their costumes 24/7.  We spent Thursday in Sioux Falls for dr. appointments for Paxton. I put him down for a nap at grandma and grandpa's and he didn't wake until close to 4:30! So we got back home much later than I had wanted, as I knew we had a busy night ahead of us.

We started the night with pizza and the carving of pumpkins.  They weren't sure what to think when daddy took the top off. Kaden was intrigued. Kenley looked like she was going to throw up. And Paxton wanted NOTHING to do with any of it.  It took her a little time, but we did coax Ken into digging out the guts.

After that, we had a project to do for preschool the following day. The kids were able to bring a treat to pass out to their friends. So we quickly "mummified" some juice boxes and called it good.

And the last thing was to fix some costumes so they fit just right and pack them in their school bags. Then it was off to baths and bed time for the little munchkins.

Friday the twins got to have a party at school.

After daycare, we ran home to finish packing and grab daddy, then we were off to Brandon.  It was a mad rush to get the kids fed and bundled in their costumes.

After everyone was ready, Kenley decided that she no longer wanted to be a scarecrow. Thank goodness it was short lived and she didn't lose her cool....because that would have blown our whole night. We started out around the block. About half way around Paxton started coughing and coughing and struggling to breath.  Nene and grandpa took him back for a nebulizer treatment and the rest of us continued on to the next block.  I was so proud of these kids.  They knew just what to do and used their best manners in the process.  What a fun night!

Until next week...

some fall fun

Through all of our illness and junk we always seem to have at our house, we have managed to take in the weather and the beauty this fall has offered us. 

 

*photo dump*

 

 

I hope you all are enjoying this fall as much as we are!!



My truth

My truth about anxiety and depression....

I think I've always had an issue with this--ok, I KNOW it's been an issue. From making my sister order for me from a fast food counter to throwing up every day before school in 9th/10th grade. You could say I'm a nervous person. But anxiety and depression have never controlled my life like they are in the present.

I'm the person who doesn't feel right if I don't have anything to worry about. I've had this good anxiety habit going on for years. I try to keep a low profile, avoid things that make me feel worse, and will cry for weeks (along with physical illness) in advance of any kind of public presentation. That's normal right?

I've said this before, but my hormone levels must have gone completely wonky after Paxton was born. I've tried a few different medications. Ive found one I'm happy with, we're just still working on correct dosage. I've also, along with Cody, started some counseling.

Any kind of anxiety treatment usually starts out with the speech about the fight or flight response. Our brains are primed for a predator’s attack, so when we perceive something as a threat, we get the same kind of feelings as if a lion’s about to eat us, even if we’re just making a mildly unpleasant phone call. I guess it's important to know what's happening when I’m flooded with panic, but it doesn’t really help ;)  And, although I know most people are trying, their advice for handling it doesn't help either. 

When I worry, my thoughts race in a vicious circle--I feel anxious about something, I try to reason myself out of it (sometimes with the help of others), think I feel some relief, only to have the
anxiousness start all over again. Do my worries have some basis in reality? Sure. But I've read that's not the real problem. "The real problem is a physiological and psychological addiction to worrying that’s supported by wonky brain chemistry, memories of past negative experiences, and the deeply-held  belief that life isn’t safe. "

We're working on it. Getting to the root of anxiety and working on balancing out those crazy chemical imbalances. We're working on how to identify my triggers so my mind doesn't end up in a tailspin by throwing fuel into the fire. 

For those of you who don't deal with anxiety, you might think that this is an easy task. Either way I look at it right now, being anxious or trying to work through my anxiety, it's exhausting.  It's hard to let go and not fill my mind with (what I feel) are urgent thoughts. It doesn't feel right,  as if I don't prepare by worrying, something will end in disaster.

But you know what? I've thought (and thought and thought) that way for years and it hasn't worked out that well-- so I guess it’s probably time to try something new.

I do want to say that I'm over the fact of "not being able to do this on my own".   Who cares if I need a little help, at least I'm getting some help. And I absolutely COULD NOT do this without the love and support of my husband. Huge props to him!

as mothers, we try our best

I think this pretty much sums it up.  I get that uncontrollable wheezing laughter, every.time.i.see.this!



Happy Friday!!

our trip to the east

The first weekend in October, {Cody, myself, Cody's brother and his wife},  made a trip out to Washington DC to visit Cody's sister and her family who have taken up residency in Arlington, VA. We flew out Friday morning and spent the next few days loving life!  Gosh, I miss those guy so much!!

We spent some time hitting up the hot spots and touring:
Washington Monument
Lincoln Memorial
Jefferson Memorial
Roosevelt Memorial
MLK Memorial
Vietnam Memorial
Korean War Memorial
White House

We also visited:
Holocaust Museum
Mount Vernon

One evening we did some shopping and had amazing pizza in:
Old Town Alexandria

Walking the streets of DC is not for the faint of heart. Especially when you are with these guys, who were always on a mission. A fast mission. This was typically the distance they kept from those of us who walked at a bit of a slower pace ;)

But the most memorable times of our trip were the times when we were all together around the table--and the hysterical laughter, where memories were made :)

As amazing as it is to visit and see them, I just can't describe to you how difficult it is to say goodbye. Jamie asked me if I still think about them being out there or if it has just become the "norm"......and I can say for me, over a year later, I still think about it every.single.day.  I don't know what it is, but there is something that is so difficult for me to accept that they are thousands of miles away. And I'll be honest (because I already told her), I hate it!   Don't get me wrong...I know this has nothing to do with me and I am thrilled they are fulfilling dreams of their own, but it is still very difficult for me.

And if that isn't difficult enough, I can't tell you how much I missed my own kids while we were gone.  We did not bring them with this trip because we still can't seem to wrap our minds around the logistics of what goes into bringing 3 young, needy, children across the county with only 2 adults. Some day we will make the trip as a family, we just couldn't do it this time. It felt wonderful to have a break and although I knew the kids were being WELL cared for (thanks Grandma Deb), I missed them like crazy!

...until next time Larson's

the reason why

Gosh darn it.  Now I remember very clearly, another reason why it was so easy to give up the blog--  I'm so dang tired all the time! My day starts at 5:15 in the morning when my alarm goes off and I drag my body out of bed to start another day. Many days we are completely exhausted before we even leave the house at 7am, thanks to 3 littles who would also rather stay sleeping than get up and join the world. Also, if you know our daughter, it takes every ounce of our beings to make sure things run "smoothly" in her little world or the world turns upside down in a BIG hurry. After work and grabbing the kids from daycare, we are usually home between 4 and 4:15. Then the work of the evening sets in.  You know, the usual...play time, making dinner, eating, cleaning up, baths/showers, playing/tv/books, bed time. Our kids take after their parents and need a lot of sleep. So we are usually starting baths already by 6:00 and working towards a bedtime between 7 and 7:30. One would think that at 8:00 there is plenty of evening left in the day, but that's about the time I crash. And it doesn't matter how much ambition I have earlier in the day or how much I know that I need to get done, it just doesn't happen! 

By the way, I have a whole DC trip I want to share with you, so hopefully that will be coming soon :)

i'm back

I'm thinking I want to give this another go.  I kind of gave up blogging for a few months, because I couldn't get my brain to function the way I wanted it to and I felt like nothing I was writing was worth anything.  But, I have finally convinced myself that I'm not writing for anyone's entertainment. It's absolutely great if you still decide to follow me, but the main reason I want to start writing again is for ME. I love to look back at the times when the twins were little and discover little milestones that I would have otherwise forgotten. It makes me sad that I don't have the same memories documented for Paxton. When I forget something, I can't just go back and look, because I didn't put it anywhere. That's what I want to change.

So, here we go, back in the saddle.

the mom whose kids are always sick

not sure why, but that seems to be the case. everyone keeps telling me "it will get better-the older they get, it will get better."

the last 9 days have been full of snot, coughs, fevers, diarrhea, dr. appointments, prescriptions, and sleepless nights. for everyone.

this winter we've dealt with strep, sinus infections, several bouts of croup, the stomach flu and ear infections (including a second surgery for kaden to replace his pe tubes and removal of his adenoids). we've had colds and viruses filling the house with snot and coughing spells.

but in the last 6 weeks, kenley has had the stomach flu twice, croup, strep throat, and walking pneumonia.

i'm hoping one day I won't feel so guilty when the kids are sick, but right now I beat myself up every single time.

am I doing something wrong? why does it seem like everyone else's children are healthy? i often feel that those whose children are healthy are judging.

trust me, i'm beyond grateful that the junk we've been dealing isn't anything serious. but still, it's hard. and it gets old. and frustrating.

"we can do certain things to help prevent sickness, but ultimately, we cannot control whether or not our children become ill" ------ this here, is a statement i'll be sure to keep tucked in the back of my brain the next time im sitting at home filling out a sick leave request for work :(

 

child star?

I don't know, but I think we may have found some pretty special talent right here.......

{please excuse the homeless-looking child at the end of the video. haircuts never seem to be high on my priority list}


Sing from Holli Finke on Vimeo.

getting some answers

{{this post has been a long time in the making. only because i keep changing my mind on whether or not i want to share. but then i thought to myself...that's what this blog is for. a place to throw it all out there. the good, the bad, and the ugly. plus, then I came across the following article and i couldn't help but post it}}


“When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip --to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

 

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

 

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

 

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

 

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

 

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

 

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

 

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

 

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

 

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things …about Holland.”

 

                                                                                  -Emily Perl Kingsley

 

 

This one hit a chord with me.

We've been struggling for a long time.

But we're hoping we've found some sort of answers
as Kenley has recently been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder.

 

What is SPD?

We all receive and perceive sensory input through our senses (sight, sounds, touch, tastes, smells, movement and balance, body position and muscle control.) Sensory Processing is a term that refers to the way the nervous system receives messages from the senses and turns them into appropriate motor and behavioral responses. Sensory Processing Disorder is a condition that exists when sensory signals don't get organized into appropriate responses. A person with SPD finds it difficult to process and act upon information received through their senses, which creates challenges in performing countless everyday tasks.  

 

All children can seem quirky or particular about their likes and dislikes, but children with Sensory Processing Disorder will be so severely affected by their sensory preferences that it interferes with their normal, everyday functioning. A child is prone to anxiety, distractibility, impulsivity, and frustration. A child with SPD might act out or tantrum when overstimulated. The need for sensory input such as movement or touch can be so overpowering that the child truly can't control their need to seek it out.

 

Through my own research, I have found some *pieces* of information that couldn't ring truer for our Kenley-girl...(you  know, the kinds of things you read that sparks that "a-ha, lightbulb moment"?)
 

*most kids with SPD are a mixture of both over- and under- sensitive, which explains why inconsistent behavior is a hallmark of the disorder

*a child might appear to be excessively clumsy or aggressive

*these kids' tantrums are so intense, so prolonged, and so impossible to stop

*when a child's behavior is due to sensory processing disorder, punishment and reward do not work as motivators

*special needs doesn't always look special.  children with spd can misinterpret sensory input and may get overwhelmed by everyday sights, sounds, smells, and touch. (this is HUGE for me. kenley doesn't look any different to people around us. but when she is tantrumming or having a freak-out-sensory-moment, that's when I feel others are looking at us differently. when i feel like a failure as a parent and when i feel she is being viewed as naughty or out of control)


I brought my concerns up at the kids' 3 year-well baby checks. So with referrals, waiting, appointments, evaluations, follow-ups, etc. it has taken 6 months to get to where we are now.
(I may share more on that process in a future post. But don't get too excited, we all know what an awful blogger I am.)

So where are we now?

Kenley was referred to Children's Care Hospital & School to receive Occupational Therapy. We take her to Sioux Falls one time a week for OT services. She absolutely loves it!! And between them and my amazing team at work, I have gained a lot of tools, knowledge, and support to help while at home, which is where she struggles the most.

This is a new adventure in our life and we are learning as we go. We are learning to pay closer attention to Kenley and trying to identify her triggers. We're learning how to counteract those triggers and help with more effective ways to work through her anxiety the environment places on her. We're learning how to be better parents. We're learning more about Kenley. As we gain a better understanding of sensory processing disorder itself, we are learning to better understand her. We have to learn how to advocate for her and help others understand. Because in the end, that's what it comes down to. Is understanding. 

on the road again...

i can't even tell you how excited i am to stay home tonight and do nothing. this last week we've been on the road, a lot. here's what this last week looked like:

friday night: drove to brandon for bunco (by myself!)
saturday morning: drove to brewster to pick up a babe and then to owatonna for a baby shower
saturday night: drove back to brandon
sunday night: drove back to brewster
monday night: kids and i drove back to brandon because kenley had appointments on tuesday
tuesday morning: drove into sioux falls for appts
tuesday night: i drove back to brewster, leaving the kids in brandon because daycare was closed
wednesday night:  drove back out to brandon to pick the kids up
wednesday night: drove back to brewster

tomorrow we are driving back to sioux falls for a birthday party and driving back home tomorrow evening. because sunday i will be driving to fulda for a baby shower.

enough "driving" for ya?  yeah, me too.  and with our 12-miles-to-the-gallon-gas-guzzling-beast, it gets a little spendy too :(


happy friday all!!

just throwing it all out there...

Someone made the comment to me the other day saying that reading my blog made her feel like she was reading my diary.

And I'm ok with that.

I find this blog a place where I can open up and I've made the decision to open up to the world while doing it.

So here's where I'm at right now.  As you all know, we've had our fair shair of difficulties thrown at us in our young life.  I've always had a relationship with God and it has only strengthened over the years while climbing over various road blocks.  But this summer, something changed for me.  I'm not exactly sure what it was or why it changed, but it did. I immersed myself into the Lord and having a much more meaningful relationship with Him.

A quick story: This summer, while changing one of Kenley's diapers, she was kicking me. I continued to tell her to stop and she continued kicking me. There really wasn't anything that I was saying that was going to make her stop kicking. Finally I grabbed her legs, looked her right in the eyes and said "Jesus would not be happy knowing you were kicking your mom."  (and unless you were there to hear it, you really won't get the full effect) but she looked back at me, with a wrinkled up forehead and a large amount of sass, and said "WHO JESUS?!?"  I felt like I was failing my kids. I broke down in tears and at that moment I made a promise to myself that my children will know Christ. I think I felt that, at the age of 2, almost 3, that they were too young and wouldn't get it anyway. But, boy was I wrong!!

We continue to have struggles in our family. Some are struggles that I'm sure every family has and some are maybe not quite so common. And to be honest, I find being a faithful follower of Christ the most difficult when I'm at home with my family. I am often praying for guidance and most importantly PATIENCE!!!!  But one thing I do know, is that I'm finding a lot more peace knowing that God is ALWAYS at the center of it all. Even if there are days that I feel like I'm failing as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, employee, friend, etc....